 |
||||
|
Manx Party Candidates End Cross-Country Tour in Los Gatos, California
The Catsociated Press
The rally began with the national anthem, 'The Stripe-Spangled Banner," sung by soul/gospel star Al Green, who then entertained the crowd with his version of his hit "Belle" changed to "Bella" for the occasion. "Bella, it's you we want, for the Presidency," he sang as thousands cheered. Soul Brother Number 1, James Brown, then performed his rendition of "Funky President (People It's Bella)."
Today, I'm here to make you an offer you can't refuse." As the spotlight grew larger, the crowd went wild as they realized Marlon Brando was re-creating the opening scene of "The Godfather" by holding Bella in his lap! "Vote for the Manx! Vote for the Manx! Vote for the Manx!" they chanted, as the portly actor hoisted the Presidential candidate to the podium. Audience members waved Manx flags and Bella/Douglas signs as Bella gave her now-famous Stump Speech. The famed actor then proceeded to remove his sweater, revealing a torn T-shirt, and lifted candidate Bella high in the air. With his patented Stanley Kowalski "Streetcar" shout, Brando yelled out "BELLLLAAAAAAAAAA!", to a reaction of thundering applause. Both candidates had spent the day on their whistle-stop tour. Bella had lunch with Hisssspanic leaders in Texas, nearly causing a flap when she refused to eat Beef Feast. Douglas met with leaders of the Gay, Taillessbian, and Transneutered Alliance of San Francisco's Catstro district and visited street kittens in the Haight-Ashbury before stopping at Fishermanx Wharf for lunch and riding the famous cable cars to a meeting with members of the Siamese and Japanese Bobtail communities. The candidates will return to their home bases in Chicago, sleeping all the way, in time to vote on Tuesday. |
||||
LOS GATOS, California: Manx Party candidates Bella and Douglas teamed up with some major stars of stage and screen for the tail end of their race for the Presidency today with a joint rally in Los Gatos, California. Both candidates had just completed successful whistle-stop tours of the country.
Brian Setzer, of the Brian Setzer Orchestra, then took the stage, saying "I'm a former Stray Cat here to support a former stray cat who will soon be President!" He read a congratulatory telegram from the Isle-of-Man-born Bee Gees. To commemorate Vice-Presidential candidate Douglas and his love of marshmallows, several of the stars of the movie "Ghostbusters" carried a giant replica of the Stay-Puft Marshmallow Man onto the stage as the crowd chanted, "Who you gonna call? Call Douglas!" They were followed by San Francisco's Bob Weir and Ratdog performing a thirty minute "China Cat Sunflower/Cats Under the Stars/Sugar Magnolia/Sunshine Daydream."
Finally, the stage went dark, and a familiar movie theme was played on the speakers. All spotlights were on an enormous man sitting on stage in a striped suit with cotton in his mouth. "In 1962, I played a Manxman, Fletcher Christian, in Mutiny on the Bounty. I'm also known to enjoy a Fancy Feast or two.