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Uproar in Florida: Bella Voters of All Stripes Turned Away at Polls
The Catsociated Press
Poll worker Fermin Garcia, of Everglades City, reported looking out the window only to see "hundreds, thousands" of alligators waiting in line to vote for Bella. The fearful human threw up his hands and fled, taking the ballots with him and sending the angry reptiles back to the swamps. In Fort Myers, two Pat Bucatnap supporters were arrested for speedboating in manatee areas. When questioned, they admitted to trying to keep the manatees from voting. Other areas of Florida reported similar troubles. In Naples, turnout was high among the Stork, Egret, and Anhinga communities, but several Muscovy Ducks were accused of distributing Communist propaganda and sent away from the polls. The large Havana Brown community in Miami, led by the infamous Jorge Manx Santos, reported high turnout for Bella, as did the area's Golden Retriever population. The feline turnout in Lakeland was high, spurred on by the "Remember Koko" initiative. In Orlando, election judges were called out when two large mice, two large dogs, and one large duck attempted to vote, but they would not speak their names. The duck became very angry and began jumping up and down and quacking loudly. Police had to call his three nephews to come and lead him away. Another Orlando precinct reported seeing a rabbit, bear, fox, and frog chasing each other around the "votin' place." Still another reported hearing ghostly voices: "Now I will mark the ballot, and a ghost will follow you home." Vice Presidential candidate Douglas, busy eating marshmallows, had no comment on the Florida improprieties. |
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